If earwigs were smart

And opened their eyes

They would all have good jobs

It would be no surprise

But earwigs just feel

That kicking their heels

Is full time employment

And not a big deal

They’re often bamboozled

And sometimes bemused

But have very small brains

And start thinking of shoes

As with so many legs

When the last shoe is fitted

They’ve forgotten the first

And the thought is omitted

So to tell one he’s lazy

Might seem rather cruel

But I tell them quite often

Twice a day as a rule

If ever you see one

Just loafing around

Pull him up by the ears

Is the best way I’ve found

Tell him ‘go get a job’

You are such a disgrace

And be quite assertive

Tell him right to his face

He’ll probably ignore you

And look quite demure

In one ear, out the other

Of this you’ll be sure

The reason you see

Is in sunnier climes

Earwigs are redundant

And to this they’re resigned

But if sent somewhere cold

Say the USSR

They’re in full time employment

Though it may seem bizarre

But by glamourous ladies

In Russia it’s a passion

To wear a warm earwig

Over the ear as a fashion

Richard Lee October 2006